Review: Being Introverted

 Not like nipples, you're thinking of inverted. 

Introversion. Maybe you've heard of it? Perhaps you haven't. (That's okay, why would you want to know anything about like... 50% of people anyway?) I'm not going to explain it to you, because there are 700 articles about it on every website lately and that's what Google is for anyway.

Regardless, I've been introverted since I can remember. Here I will provide some examples from my childhood experiences to give you proof, because no one who reads this has any reason to believe me.

• At one point many people, including my parent's friends, thought that I was mute because I wouldn't talk to anyone outside of our house.
• I used to carve out corners of our living room as my designated 'office' so that I could escape the dreadful realities of sharing a bedroom with my sister and spend some time by myself. (No, you can't come in. No people allowed).
• In middle school I pretended to be grounded on multiple occasions to get out of hanging out with my own friends. (Becky, Tarah, Lindsey... I'm sorry. This is 100% true. I REGRET NOTHING).

Hopefully, if you know me, this doesn't come as a surprise. I'm predominately quiet, I observe more than I participate, and I quite literally NEVER want to talk to you at the soda machine, in the elevator, or at any time in my existence without a specified purpose. Small talk matters not.

I think I've given introversion a fair run, and I think it's time to give it a review. Let's do this thing.

• ​Thinking before I speak.
  • ​Pros: I rarely say anything that I regret and I usually sound like I know what I'm talking about. Part of the process of coming up with what to say is noting all of your potential responses and knowing how to respond to each of them in a thoughtful way. You're welcome.
  • Cons: I go silent when I'm uncomfortable or emotional so that I do not say the wrong thing, and often end up saying nothing at all.  (My husband can likely attest to my 'silent arguments' where I refuse to go to sleep until it's resolved but take no verbal steps toward resolution). If I DO speak before thinking, I am extremely hurtful. I'll verbally take your soul shattering weakness, shove it in your face like fucking wedding cake, and then show you to your mother while she shakes her head in embarrassment that she raised someone so sensitive.
• ​Not needing to be around anyone.
  • ​Pros: Exactly that, not needing to be around anyone. Take solace  in knowing that if I'm hanging out with, I want to be there. I don't require most social interaction, so if I'm choosing to be around you, you're a winner!  Basically what I'm saying is that my friendship, though limited, is extremely genuine. 
  • Cons: Society (and myself) make me feel like a real shit for not needing to be around anyone. I constantly berate myself for being a terrible friend because I just don't need to see my friends as often as society dictates I should. Most of my friends are fine with this, but secretly I imagine they aren't and they sit at their houses and look at their husbands and say, "You know that Lauren is a real shit."
• Fewer, closer relationships.​
  • Pros: I don't have that many friends. If you think we're friends, I probably don't. It's not because I'm mean or heartless, I just require an increased understanding of who you are and vice versa before I consider you a friend. Basically, if I'm unsure if you've ever done butt stuff, we're probably not friends. My friends are all that close.
  • Cons: I've never had that gaggle of women that most girls have. Or gaggle of any gender really. I've never been part of a gaggle. I'm like the lone rock in the field and the gaggle is over there. The best way to explain this is that none of the 4 bridesmaids in my wedding are actually friends with each other. 
• ​Observing everything.
  • ​Pros: I remember a lot of things, and I pick up on a lot of things other people don't. About places I go, people I meet, the way food tastes, the way things smell. I can tell if something insignificant changes. This also makes me a boss at giving advice to my friends. People trust me because I tell them truths about themselves that I pick up while I'm not blabbing my damn mouth all the time. I know a lot of secrets about people, and most people tell me them because they know I won't tell anyone else.
  • Cons: Hardcore social and environmental burn out.
• ​Burning out.
  • ​Pros: There are no pros to burning out that I have found. Unless you view the statement, 'I'd probably be fine if I were locked in solitary confinement for a week or so,' to be a pro. I do not, because that sounds fucking bat shit crazy,
  • Cons: All the cons. All of them. The only thing in this world I hate more than being socially burnt out is blowing my nose (don't ask, I just fucking hate it okay). FACT: I have cried 4 out of 5 of the times I've gone to Vegas. Vegas is the king of burn outs. (Along with conventions of any kind). In Vegas, there are a shit ton of people, and everything is loud. The carpet is loud, the people are loud, the slot machines, the music, the lighting is LOUD. It's sensory overload, it's terrible, and my poor body doesn't know what else to do so it mentally breaks down, I cry (typically in public), and then I drink heavily.  (Places I have cried at in Vegas in order: Hotel room, Hotel room/lobby, Panda Express, strip club). Truth.

​Overall, I give being introverted a 6/10. That's not really a passing grade, but let's be honest, being extroverted just sounds  way fucking better. Dammit.