It may come as a surprise that I am quite the fearful person (unless we've ever talked at any length about cicadas, seriously, fuck those bugs). I am not proud of this facet of my person-diamond. (For the record, I'm not particularly proud about having this unjustified, deep-seated fear of cicadas either).
Fear is a strange emotion for me personally in that it seems to elicit those much crappier, long-lasting emotions like: anxiety, shame, and guilt. This power trio is particularly fun to deal with because they are really good at keeping you busy from realizing that you're just scared of something.
Important note: it is NOT juvenile to say that you are scared of something. (Pfft, over here acting like walking to the kitchen in the middle of the night isn't spooky as shit and you're not running back to your bed quick as hell. Get outta here, liar).
Back to business...
I have a major fear of failure.
There. I said it. I have a fear of failure and it has inhibited me in the following ways:
I am scared of failing, and this is something I need to change.
Every weekday, I come home from work and at 6:00 pm a reminder goes off on my phone to clean the cat box. Every. Single. Day. Every weekday, I come home from work and at 6:00 pm, and when a reminder goes off on my phone to clean the cat box, I immediately dismiss it. Every weekday, I come home from work and at 6:00 pm, when I dismiss the reminder to clean the cat box, I feel terrible about myself.
This is who I currently am.
I am the girl (woman?) who comes home and dismisses the reminders for the things she should do, so that she can do the things that distract her from the things she should be doing. I have let my personal laziness levels get so high that I have to physically take action to not do the thing I should be doing.
I am actively lazy.
Now, I know full well that there isn't anyone to blame for this action-based lack of action but myself. BUT, this isn't about blame. (Seriously, this can't be about blame, Blame is this fun backpack I like to carry around and fill with things that do/don't belong to me. That's another post for another day).
This is about stepping back and doing something different. Here are our options. Let's go!
Here is to a new year, a new less lazy version of myself, and doing the fucking things.